I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living.... And you, and you, and you gotta give 'em hope. —Harvey Milk.
Chaim I am really glad that you are making progress and I do hope your life continues to improve. I do however have one serious question. All that you have posted assumes that there is some validity in the religious doctrines in which you were raised. As they don;t accept you why on earth do you accept them. Why not get out, jump into the great secular melting pot that is New York and abandon orthodoxy altogether? You owe it nothing and it has hurt you.
Feel free to post any comment or questions. Negative commentary that does not serve a useful purpose will be deleted.