Although this brave man's situation seems hopeless and without a "way out", his story sends a really powerful message to so many people out there who find themselves in similar situations, and the most important thing they need to know is that they're not alone.
You know you got to go through Hell before you get to Heaven. - Steve Miller Band
I have been writing my story for about 8 months on my blog frumgaymarried.blogspot.com. The name was appropriate as the title of my blog when I started writing in June. Today, you might call it confused, gay and separated.
As a gay man in a committed heterosexual relationship for over 15 years, the guilt and dishonesty has risen to a point of uncontrollable anxiety and depression. In the 35 years I have lived, I had never come out to anyone outside of my therapist and a close friend. A therapist is well... paid to listen and my friend didn't know how to take the news. He closed up for a couple of years.
Intense loneliness is one word to describe a closeted homosexual.A married closeted homosexual is more in line with the word "trapped" or "confined". It is like being in a self imposed prison. Slowly the gaping hole in your soul that yearns for the love of a man widens, and Like Elton John's Skyline Pigeon, you pray to a God you hope is listening.
Let me fly to distant lands
Over green fields, trees and mountains
Flowers and forest fountains
Home along the lanes of the skyway
For this dark and lonely room
Projects a shadow cast in gloom
And my eyes are mirrors
Of the world outside
Thinking of the way
That the wind can turn the tide
And these shadows turn
From purple into grey
Dreaming of the open
Waiting for the day
He can spread his wings
And fly away again
Fly away skyline pigeon fly
Towards the dreams
You’ve left so very far behind
To the smell of new mown hay
To laugh and cry, to live and die
In the brightness of my day
I want to hear the pealing bells
Of distant churches sing
But most of all please free me
From this aching metal ring
And open out this cage towards the sun