When I started coming out, many people were not aware of the fact that gay parents raise kids and have families just as beautiful as heterosexuals. (In fact, the Huffington Post recently reported that research suggests that gay parents have an advantage over straight.) The first question I was asked by religious friends was generally "but, don't you want to have a family? Don't you want kids?" Although this question put me on the spot when I was still insecure about my future as a gay person, I hoped that I could answer someday; I just knew that there had to be gay people raising children. And, over time I’ve gotten to know many gay people and gay Jewish people, including some gay Orthodox people, who are raising children. The children are sometimes biological (through surrogacy or a donor) or adopted but no less the children of gay parents. Just as heterosexuals who are infertile can have children, so can gay people. Today, the notion that gay people can't have kids seems ridiculous to me, but I try to be lenient with those who are sincerely curious and have never really considered the possibility because they don't know any gay people.
So, yes, Mom, family and friends, gay people can have kids. If someday I do want kids, I will. I'm not sure whether I want children of my own, but being gay would never be a reason not to have kids. Most people grow up dreaming of their very own fairytale with the person they love in their arm and their children on their lap. Growing up, I had more pressing concerns, like losing those I already loved because of who I am. What I now want for my future is still unclear, but I am open to the great possibilities of life. My ability to have and raise children is no different because I am gay.
The idea that gay people cannot, will not or even should not have kids or families is one of the many things that push people so deeply in the closet. Sometimes, it’s why gay people marrying someone of the opposite sex without telling the truth to the person they're marrying; they want a "normal" family, and there is a lot of pressure for people to have families. I cannot blame people who have done so, but I do believe that people should be honest to themselves and to their potential spouses. I once was so desperate to have a "normal" life, I almost ended up getting married. Having a family and raising kids is a big part of life for most people — something that’s celebrated by those in the Orthodox community I come from, as well as many others. But, heterosexual marriage is not the only way to have a family.
Mom, I love you with everything inside of me, and I want you to know that people like me can have just as rich and full lives as everyone else. Perhaps, if I ever have kids, some might wonder how I "got them"; but I’m sure, as Zack Wahls said, they will succumb to their "infantile cuteness" and stop being concerned with details that are none of their business. And, I would hope that my children would be celebrated and bring as much joy as my siblings’ children, and would not be treated any differently.
Zach Wahls is a hero of mine. He stood up in front of the Iowa legislature to defend marriage equality. Proudly and brilliantly, he disproved in two minutes all the misconceptions that people have about the families of gay people. If you haven’t seen it already, take the time to watch it now. I promise it will inspire you.